Parallels
by celticfox
Summary: When Artemis Fowl meets two travelers from another universe, things start to get interesting. Artemis FowlHis Dark Materials crossover.
1. Prologue

**Artemis Fowl belongs to Eoin Colfer. His Dark Materials belongs to Philip Pullman.**

Prologue

"All right, Foaly, what is it this time?"

The centaur blinked. "Sir?"

LEP Commander Mark Atreyan glared at him. "Which paranoid urge caused you to go insane this time?"

Foaly bristled. "Sir, this is an emergency!"

Vinyaya sighed. "Could we please just get on with this _without_ pointless bickering? Foaly, tell us what has happened."

He saluted. "Si- er, Madam, I must report that we have found a gateway to another universe."

She blinked, as did everyone else in the room. "What?"

Foaly sighed. "A portal to another dimension. A bridge to a parallel universe. Schroedinger's cat, you know? Well, you probably wouldn't. Schroedinger was a Mud Man."

"And why is this a threat?" Atreyan asked, tapping his foot.

"Well, for one, the surge of raw magic is crazy! Anyone who goes near the place will find their magic on blink for days! And besides that, what if the Mud Men find it? Their weak little brains are far too delicate to handle this sort of thing."

Far above ground, a certain Mud Boy smirked as he listened to the conference he had hacked his way into.

"So what are we supposed to do about it?"

"Well," Foaly replied, "I'm pretty sure that we can close it, with the right technology and a crack team of warlocks."

"Sure. Fine." Atreyan waved a hand. "Anything to stop you going crazy."

"Thank you, sir. And I hope this will be the end of it."

But of course, it was not.


	2. Chapter 1

The last rays of the setting sun filtered down through the swirling gray storm clouds to tinge th roofs red. It was a lonely town, in the middle of nowhere, the peeling signs waiting hopefully for someone to pass by. The road was dusty and strewn with litter, as though no one really cared. As it grew darker, slowly, resentfully, the lights went on in the shops that lined the street. A lone teenager was walking down the pavement. He looked as though he had seen better days. He looked to be about fifteen, slight for his age, awkwardly clothed in casual clothes as though he wasn't used to them. His hair was black and long, his face pale in the twilight, and he looked around cautiously as though expecting to be attacked. Nervously, he peered around a corner, then darted into the nearest fast-food restaurant.

Inside, the air smelled like grease, and the bright colors hurt his eyes. He scanned the menu, wincing slightly at the array of total junk. The boy made his way over to an isolated table as far from anyone else as possible, and attempted to find something edible to eat. Giving up, he peered about the restaurant. Two other children caught his eye.

They were about his age, a boy and a girl. They were sitting together at a table near him, and were talking animatedly among themselves. The boy was tall and dark, the girl small and fair. The boy was biting into a hamburger and the girl was eagerly drinking soda like she'd never had it before. But that wasn't what was so unusual about them. What was strange was that there was a red ferret-like creature around the girl's neck and a rather large, beautiful cat sitting on the table next to the boy. Even stranger was the fact that apparently none of the restaurant's other patrons had noticed the animals. He furrowed his brow in concentration, then came to a decision. The two teenagers might be what he was looking for. He stood up and sauntered over to them, positioning himself unobtrusively behind a convenient table and attempting to overhear their conversation.

"This tastes so delicious!" the girl was saying. "Will, they ent got anything like this at home!"

"It's just soda," the boy, Will, muttered.

"Yeah, but I ent had any before," the girl explained.

Then, to his utter astonishment, the ferret jumped down from its perch, opened its jaws, and spoke! "Give me a taste, Lyra," it urged the girl in a voice that sounded very alien yet distinctly male.

The girl obediently passed over the soda but Will seemed rather angry. "Pan, I told you not to talk!"

The eavesdropper was a bit more prepared when the cat spoke in a beautiful feminine voice. "Don't be angry with him, Will. You know those people can't see demons anyway." At least it sounded like she said demons. She said it with a weird pronunciation on the e.

The eavesdropper decided it was time to reveal himself. He stepped forward and briefly considered acting an idiot, but for all his brilliance acting had never come easy to him, so he dropped that idea. "Salutations," he said in a cold, impersonal voice.

All four of them glared up at him with extreme hostility. He gave a vampire smile and chuckled a bit inside at the thought of what he was going to say. "Excuse me, but I don't think animals are allowed inside this restaurant. It's rather unsanitary."

Well, that certainly took the wind out of their sails. The four reared back, looking dumbfounded. Finally the girl asked, "You can see 'em?"

He gave the unsettling grin again. "Indeed. Am I not supposed to?"

"Um, well..."

He sighed. "They seemed rather talkative for animals."

This time they all jumped. "Oh no!" the two 'animals' cried in unison.

"Perhaps we should discuss this?" he said. "I assume you are from another universe."

The boy, Will, grabbed him by the collar and lifted him off his feet. "You know an awful lot about us," he growled. "How do you know so much?"

His captive brushed off his coat, apparently unperturbed. "Let's just say I'm extremely inquisitive and well-informed. Now if you will please put me down, I would like to make a deal with you."

Slowly, with much prodding from the girl and the demons, Will lowered him to the ground. "Who are you anyway?" he said gruffly.

The boy hesitated for just a fraction too long, and as an experienced liar the girl, Lyra, could tell that whatever he was going to say, it wouldn't be the truth. "Jacques."

Lyra decided to confront him later. "All right, Jacques," she said. "What's your deal? It better be good."

"Simple," he said, voice as cold and impersonal as steel. "It... would be _convenient _if I left this universe. Therefore I wish you to show me the gate between worlds, and warn me of the dangers of your universe. I, on the other hand, can help you greatly by providing false identities and bank accounts, which are necessary if you are to survive in my world."

"And how exactly are you going to do that?" Will asked sceptically. "This is my world, too, and I know how it works. You're just a kid like us."

"You're from my world?" 'Jacques' asked, startled. "Then what about her?" He gestured at the cat, which was now sitting, glaring at him, her long fluffy tail twitching irritably.

"It's a long story. And you still haven't answered my question," Will said.

"Well, sir, let me first inform you that I am certainly not _just a kid," _Jacques replied icily. "And I definitely am not like you. I promise, I have many resources." He became aware of the girl, who was looking very intently at him. It was almost enough to make him feel uneasy, but not quite. "I can give you whatever you want if you show me the gate."

"And you better tell us how you knew about it," Will said.

Jacques straightened his coat and adjusted his cuffs. "Sadly, that is impossible. I cannot give away my sources."

The two demons drew together for a hurried whispered conference. Then the ferret turned to Jacques. "We will consider your offer," he said, and once again the human boy was struck by the alien voice. "Meet us outside this restaurant tomorrow at this same time."

"Agreed." Jacques rose. "I'll see you then." He made his way to the door, apparently lost in thought. Then he paused, and addressed a small patch of hazy air.

"Give my regards to Commander Atreyan," he whispered, then swept out of the diner.

"Artemis Fowl," LEPrecon Captain Lupin hissed. "Oh, this is bad. This is really bad."


	3. Holly

**Same disclaimers.**

Section Eight Captain Holly Short was just metaphorically leaning back and putting up her feet when Commander Vinyaya contacted her. "I need to see you right away," the leader of Section Eight said over the plasma screen.

"Yes, I was wondering where you'd got to," Holly said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "After all, it's been almost two months since I last saved the world. Really, in the past three years I've done it a mere five times. I was wondering when the next crisis would occur. And let me guess. Artemis Fowl."

"Er, yes," Vinyaya stuttered.

"I should have known. Almost every major event of my career, that mud boy is involved somehow. Even that matter of the Fey Fey Tiara- I'm still not sure why he got into _that_ one." Under her ironic tone, however, Holly gave a mental smile of affection for her human friend. They'd become pretty close after he'd saved her life for the third time.

"Umm..." Vinyaya looked worried. "The thing is... well, it's a bit like the bad old days. We're... not sure if Mr. Fowl is the protagonist of this story."

Holly exhaled sharply. "I'm sure you're wrong," she said sharply.

"Yes, well, we hope so too. Come down here quickly, will you?"

"Yessir." Holly switched off the screen and quickly pulled on her uniform. She left her nettle smoothie warming on the counter as she zipped off downtown. If Artemis Fowl had left the strait and narrow, she wanted to be the first to know.

Once at base, Holly passed quickly through security and barely had time to wave hello to some co-workers before she entered the ops room, where Foaly and Vinyaya were in the midst of a worried conversation. They broke off as soon as Holly entered the room, and their guilty looks confirmed her suspicion that they had been talking about her. This looks bad, she thought.

"All right," she said, collapsing onto the couch. "Fill me in."

Foaly touched a monitor and it came to life. His fingers blurred across the keyboard and the slide show came up on the main screen. He took out a laser pointer and unconsciously slipped into lecturing mode.

"A few days ago I did a routine scan on Fowl's activities. As you are aware, I can no longer access his private files but I searched various organizations such as Interpol. I admit I was curious as to whether Fowl had truly renounced his criminal activities."

Fowl, Holly noticed with a sinking feeling. Not Artemis. Fowl.

"What I discovered was- all mention of Fowl had disappeared. Nothing remained. It was as though Fowl had vanished off the face of the earth without a trace."

"It wouldn't be the first time," Holly cut in. "Artemis disappeared three years ago, too-"

"So then I checked his school records and other such sites," Foaly continued as though he had not been interrupted. "Zip. Nada. Nothing. Fowl is gone, in the minds of the human government.

'Obviously this worried me. So I dug deeper. Hacked the most secure of government and business signs." Foaly sniffed, some of his old smugness back. "It wasn't too hard, I might tell you. They might have left out a welcome mat-"

_"Foaly," _Vinyaya reprimanded.

He cleared his throat. "Anyway, I think Fowl has stolen some sort of hi-tech software or equipment. I couldn't get anything more, aside from something called 'Project Beta'."

"Why, what happened to Project Alpha? Honestly, these people see too many spy movies-"

_"So anyway, _I spent a significant amount of time breaking into Fowl's hard drive, and at last I managed it after much effort. What I found was rather disturbing. Fowl had apparently eavesdropped on one of our meetings." He dropped his voice significantly. "The one about the portal."

"The alternate universe one?" Holly asked, surprised.

"How do you know about that!" Vinyaya snapped.

"Oh, you'd be amazed at how much Foaly blathers on sometimes," Holly explained. "So what?"

"Well, by then I was getting pretty worried. After all, Fowl is Public Enemy Number One."

"Not anymore!" Holly cried, standing to defend her friend. "Not after he saved the fairy world four times!"

"Well, he got us into that mess during the Spiro Fiasco. So anyway, I pulled a satellite onto Fowl Manor. He's not there. And his parents, siblings, classmates, and various associates don't appear to have missed him."

No friends, Holly thought sadly. Just 'associates'. Then something struck her. "What about Butler?"

Vinyaya sighed, suddenly looking very old and tired. "We interviewed him- or tried to. He couldn't see us, even unshielded. He-" She paused. "He'd been mesmerized."

Holly sat down with a thump. "No," she whispered. "No, Artemis wouldn't do that. He wouldn't ! He would never use his magic in an unethical way!"

Then she stood up again, blazing with rage. In a deadly calm voice, she asked, "Why wasn't I informed from the beginning?"

"Er..." Foaly avoided her eyes. "Well, we knew you were emotionally attached to Fowl, so-"

_"Don't call him that!" _Holly cried. _"Call him Artemis!"_

Vinyaya tentatively placed a small hand on Holly's shoulder. Holly angrily shook it off.

"Get me a direct to the surface," she said. "I'm going after the Mud Boy myself." Then she strode out, slamming the door behind him.

Vinyaya and Foaly exchanged shrugges.

**Hahaha! Evil Artemis! Whoot! Review please!**


	4. Chapter 2

**Next chapter. This will probably be a pretty long story. Same disclaimers.**

"What are we going to do?" Lyra asked.

Will said, "There's no way we can trust him."

Pantalaimon said, "Kirjava?"

The cat daemon paused a moment, considering. "I think we should," she said decisively. "He's right, you know, about the money and all." She addressed Lyra. "Why don't you ask the alethiometer?"

"I'll try," the girl replied, "but it's a complicated question. I can't promise anything."

Will sighed. "Come on, let's go," he said. They paid, then walked out of the diner and went to the cheap, dingy hotel room Will had booked online using Mary's ID. Jacques was right, whoever he was, Will thought as he flopped on his uncomfortable mattress. They had no idea how long Mary's money was going to last. Will just kept using the credit card and hoping. For all he knew he could have rung up huge debts by now.

Lyra crouched down by her bed and reached underneath, pulling out her suitcase. The alethiometer was inside, in a metal box Iorek had made her. She opened it and took out the golden instrument. She sat on the bed, Pantalaimon in her lap, and got that vague, unfocused look on her face. The needles spun. Finally she waited, breathless, as the longest needle moved from symbol to symbol of its own accord. She stared at it for a minute. The others dared not interrupt. Eventually she sat up, her eyes shining with excitement. "I'm getting better!" she cried. "It was easier this time! It's coming back!" Her eyes shone.

Will smiled at her. "What did it say about this Jacques?"

She frowned. "It says we should help him. It says he's doing something important, something for them, even though he doesn't know it. It's tricky, though. I ent sure."

"It's enough," he said. "You're brilliant."

She smiled back, and then they tried to go to sleep, their daemons curled at their sides. A breeze blew in the open window and ruffled the curtains. Pantalaimon wondered, idly, before he and Lyra slept, if Jacques' daemon was fixed yet, and what form it would take when he went to Pan and Lyra's world. Then they closed their eyes and went to sleep.

**Sorry this one is so short, but I had to stop here. Please review.**  



	5. Minerva

**Next chapter. Not really got anything to say.**

Before going after Artemis, Holly contacted someone she thought Foaly might have forgotten. However she was careful to do it in her own quarters with no chance of eavesdroppers. Giving a fairy communicator to _this _Mud Person was definitely not legal.

The girl's curly hair appeared on the screen. "Holly?" Minerva, or Minnie as she prefered to be called, asked.

Holly gave a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness _you _haven't been mind-wiped," she said.

Minnie's eyes opened wide in shock. "Just what is going on down there?" she asked sharply.

"Look, Minnie," the captain said, "just listen and answer the questions. I'm breaking about fifty laws by calling you at all."

The human girl nodded suspiciously. "Go on."

"This is really important Minerva. When did you last see Artemis?"

Minnie thought for a moment. "I haven't seen him since Christmas, but I talked on the phone with him last month, and I emailed him last Monday," she said. "Why?"

"Not more recently?" Holly asked, her heart sinking. She'd hoped this was all just some big mistake.

"N-no, I don't think so," Minerva replied. She shook her golden locks in confusion. "Why?" she repeated.

Holly told her everything.

Minerva didn't say anything for about half a minute. Then she blinked. "What are we waiting for?" she asked. "Let's get moving!"

"Aren't you surprised?" Holly asked in surprise.

"Of course," Minnie said. "But being a genius, I adapt quickly." There was a dizzying change of perspective as the Italian prodigy lay the communicator down on her desk and began typing. "I'll see if I can use satellite to locate him, but that probably won't work seeing as he figured out how to duplicate Foaly's pattern-wiping last October."

_"What?!" _Holly cried. "But that technology's fifty years ahead of Mud Men tech!"

"Not for Artemis," Minerva said grimly. "All right, girl, go get some wings! We're going to track down Genius Boy if it kills us."

Holly saluted.


End file.
